If you can can so no to them, you can say no to anybody

Luke 14.26, 33

Whoever comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, cannot be my disciple. None of you can be my disciple if you do not give up everything.

Quitting work and selling your possessions is an understandable thing to do. Once you get past it you see how impossible it is to do the things you need to do while still holding onto worldly possessions. All the arguments about divided loyalties and devotion to Christ aside, it’s obvious—after you have done it—that it was the necessary thing to do. And because it is necessary it is relatively easy.

Hating your family isn’t the same thing. When you start out you don’t see the point, and it’s difficult, because you’re desperately afraid you’ve misunderstood the demand. How do you know it’s really a requirement? Who do you ask for advice? How do you predict what will happen to them? What if you hurt them and it wasn’t really necessary after all? Will they understand? (How could they?!) What if they turn against you?

More than anything, this demand will gives doubts, because it seems so unnecessary.

You go for years and still don’t see the point. You wonder why he made you hurt them. Hating your own life, you understand: that’s easy. Giving up your dreams, exposing yourself to risk, letting yourself get sick and old: that’s a necessary and inescapable part of the trip. But does it really make your work “easier” to hurt them? How does it help your work to not only live with your own pain, but the added pain of knowing how much you have hurt them?

Here’s an answer. Probably not the answer, but at least part of it.

You will find that after you have done such a hurtful thing to them—to people who did nothing against you, to people you desperately want to protect from pain—after you have done it and learned how to survive it, then you can do anything. Nothing else will hurt that badly.

It doesn’t mean you have grown senseless or callous, only that you know your capacities and capabilities. You’re a boxer. You know how much you can stand without saying ¡No más! If you can live with that, you can live with anything. If you can hurt them, you can hurt anybody. Not to hurt them, but to do whatever you must to stay on the path.

You’ll have an endless supply of people asking and demanding things. The toughest to refuse are your own family. You have to be able to refuse them. And everyone else too. Not to be selfish, but to stay focused.

How much can you turn your back on without turning back? You won’t ever know that. But the demand of Christ prepares you for what is to come. If you can’t hate them at the first, you’ll never make it.

A final warning: Don’t expect to be spared the inevitable consequences of this. They will make a new live without you. They have to. For a while you’ll still be able to “come back”, but after a few years everything will have changed too much. They will not keep that hole open for you to snuggle back into whenever you see them again. It will close up. You will never be able to go back.

Expect it. Accept it. If you give it up, it's gone.